"May I ever be spared such a sight again."

Friday, May 22, 1863, Antioch Ford, Virginia

One more good day's march should put us back in our old camp from before the latest battle. We are still smarting from the loss of our Jackson. We have heard nothing new concerning the conditions of General Hill and General McGowan. We need someone to lead us. Who will it be?

We needed to get away from Richmond. The present state of affairs there is dreadful. There is great jubilation at our victory but there is little else to take one's mind away from the continuation of the war. We know that Hooker is still across the Rapphannock and is gathering strength for another try at us and Richmond. If he were pushed to the other side of the Potomac, Richmond world breathe easier.

We would not breath easier for it would be we of the army who would be doing the pushing but that is what we are for. If General Lee so orders it, we will push Hooker to the other side of the Hudson. Since we were held back from the battle around Chancellorsville, the regiment is intact. Let the Twelfth advance to the front and lead the way.

During our rest in Richmond, some of us were able to improve our lot. We did leave with full rations in our haversacks. I saw a few new hats and caps. The regiment is mostly shod. We came across one place where some of the Yankee prisoners which had been in our custody were lying awaiting burial. In less time than it takes to load a musket, they were relieved of their brogans and some of their socks.  I gave my old ones to Hancock and was pleased that my new ones were already broken in.

While in Richmond, several of us visited a hospital in the hopes of seeing to the conditions of some of our pards. It was there that I witnessed the most horrible sight ever that I have  seen. Hancock, the junior Barton, Holton and myself were in the Chimborazo Hospital, a very large complex which must hold many thousands.

There was a female nurse attending to a patient. I had heard that women work in hospitals but she was the first one that I have seen. If this had been before the war, I would have described her as handsome but not pretty and dressed simply and plainly. As it was, I thought her most beautiful and dressed in great style.

I was not close but was close enough to hear this administering angel speak with a wounded boy barely into his manhood. It was odd, I thought, that this lady should be touching his leg with her finger. There was a good deal of blood near the spot that she was touching and some of his blood was on her. A surgeon approached the two and inspected the scene with a harrowed look about his face. Without a word, he shook his head and walked away.

Shortly, the boy spoke, giving instructions as to how his mother may be notified of his death. I heard him to ask the nurse how long he would live. She replied quite calmly that he would live as long as her finger was in place. He thought for a moment and then said, "You can let go". She fainted and he went on the journey that awaits all of us. Holton and Hancock bolted for the door and once outside, evacuated the contents of their stomachs. I wanted to do the same but as younger Barton's legs gave away, I had to pick him up and carry him from the place. May I ever be spared such a sight again.

I Send You These Few Lines

The incident in the hospital was not made up. It was as real as your own heartbeat. The nurse was Phoebe Yates Pember, who related her wartime experiences in her book, "A Southern Women's Story: Life in Confederate Richmond."