"...shoot and kill"

Sunday, October 6, 1861

Once again, I feel compelled to make another entry in this diary. Why I should do this I know not as so very much remains the same. Perhaps I do this to give me something do do beyond the numbness of drill and the boredom of everything else. Corporal Flynn is out of the hospital so things are rarely quiet.

I am not the only one who feels the taxing burdens of boredom. There are those who seek relief in wholesome pursuits. Books, whether brought by the recruits or arrived by the mails, are circulated around until no longer readable. The Bible is the most read work. If one wanders from campfire to campfire, he will encounter at least a few discussions and debates concerning the New Testament. Works by Sir Walter Scott and Charles Dickens are popular. Someone loaned me a book of poems by Emerson. I tried but could not fathom it and returned it.

At the other end are printed materials of ill-repute. The so-called penny dreadfuls have some following in camp particularily amongst the younger readers who are no so far removed from being children. There are novels of low order which appeal to those who are of low order themselves.

There is much gambling. The games of chance that are being practiced by the wiley upon their victims only increase the chances that the victims' pockets will be emptied. The chaplins rail against gambling but it is of little use.

Drink flows like water here. Drunkeness is often witnessed and often punished as being detrimental to good military disipline. Officers get drunk, too, but their punishments are less severe as is always the case.

Some of the officers take their responsibilites with much seriousness. Those who care can be seen going over worm copies of the various training manuals such as Hardees', Caseys' and Gillums'. They are so young to have such weights placed upon them. None have any experience in leading men in battle. Some received their commissions because they are the sons of powerful planters as if that fact in itself certainly implies superior knowledge. Obtaining the necessary experience will come but with a price payed in the blood of those they command.

Some officers seek out those with prior military service and pummel them with questions. Some of here have seen active service against the Indians and share their knowledge when asked or even when not. I am doubtful that any time spent fighting Indians will be of any use in fighting Yankees, savages though they both be.  Two lieutenants, Campbell and Rallings, knew of my prior service under old "Rough and Ready" Taylor in Mexico in the Virginia Regiment. Both hung on my every word until I said that the regiment arrived so late in the war that it and myself saw no action. They then thanked me and left the campfire.

Some arms have arrived here and have been issued along with some very few accroutrements. The muskets are all of an old pattern. Some were once flintlocks converted to percussion. I have seen none of the new American Springfields or the English Enfields that are rumored to be forthcoming. I still have my own Springfield but it is of the model of 1842. It will still shoot and kill. I still have my militia accourtrements which are mostly white. They may look good on the drill field or in the local tavern after a militia muster but I am growing more uncomfortable wearing something that may present me as a good target for some Yankee sharpshooter. I must make friends with the quartermaster.

When will we fight the Yankees?